Let me start back a couple months ago. Jas and I were at church and they were reminding our congregation of the upcoming Women's Retreat. Jas nudged me in the side and asked if I was planning on going. I'll be honest, at that point having known that Jas would be in mid treatment for esophageal cancer, that was the last thing I wanted to do was to leave him and Taylor yet another time and have another weekend of trying to find coverage for both while I would be gone. So I shook my head and told him the timing just wasn't right this year. However, God had another plan : ) After church was dismissed I was in the lobby talking to my dear friend Kat (stage 4 lung cancer) and we were approached by a lady in our church who was an integral part of planning for the Women's Retreat. Low and behold she asked us to speak at the retreat. OH MY! I have to say my first reaction to having to go up on stage is always PLEASE NO, UGGGHHH! But God had prepared me through my HR Career over the past 10 years to having to get over that initial reaction to then muster up the courage to do it! So, Kat immediately responded, "YES! Anyway I can be used by God - I'm in." I then smiled nervously and agreed to help as well. Wheew, God so often calls us to do things out of our comfort zone and our areas of strength so that we rely on him with everything we have and so the glory can ONLY be given to HIM in the end!
So picture this... we had around 125 women at our Women's Retreat. We were the 3 musketeers, in this thing together, my friends Kat, Terri & I. What a special memory that I will hold dear to my heart to experience something like this with 2 other women that we have grown so close to through this cancer journey.
During our segment, we opened by showing videos of each of our stories separately, bringing the audience up to speed on our trials we were currently enduring. The good news is, I have these videos to share with you and are directly below! For those of you who are reading this via an automatic email, you'll need to visit our blog directly to view the videos at wilestrials.blogspot.com. Just be prepared as they are tear jerkers! One thing I will prepare you for is that they asked each of us the prognosis question. While all 3 of us jumped out of our chairs with an emphatic NO initially, when they first told us what they'd be taping and asking this question at the end, they did further clarify why it was necessary. They didn't feel that the attendees at the conference would truly understand how God has provided for us in so many AMAZING ways, unless they knew how serious the prognosis of all 3 cancers truly were. So, here they are!
Before I do, I must share one more bit of detail. I always felt like my "Testimony" was a bit of a bore to be honest. I've been a Christian the majority of my life and hadn't had any trials remotely close to the ones this year. However, I just want to thank my cousin Mark for reminding me that God is and continues to build my testimony right here and right now through Jason's 2 cancer trials this year! That gentle reminder made me smile, knowing that was God speaking to me through him!
Here's what I covered at the Retreat:
Question: How has God prepared me for what I’m currently going through today, which I view as the largest trial I’ve faced in my life so far?
Answer:
It’s been such a blessing in preparing for the retreat, to look back and revisit all of the ways God has prepared me for what I’m going through today. He has helped me…
- Learn about cancer through others
- Learn how to glorify Him through cancer, through others
- Get my priorities straight. By that I mean getting God to move up to #1 rank my life, not #2 or #3 and he helped me do this through events/circumstances he exposed me to.
Also, God knew my heart and that he was not ranked #1 in my life until the last handful of years. So God exposed me to circumstances that ultimately let him move up in rank - from #3 to #1 in my life. By doing this he equipped me to be best prepared for our current battle with cancer. Let me rewind back 7 years.
Jason’s Dad – Our first family battle with cancer began over 7 years ago when Jason’s dad was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. We learned a lot about cancer and treatment options through this experience, yet experienced much heartbreak as a result of his father’s passing. Over the past handful of years I have recognized that I wasn’t fully healed yet from that event and only viewed cancer as having a devastating ending.
The Move/God's Rank In My Life - Shortly after Jason’s father passed away, we felt called by God to move to Maryland and to be honest, we had no idea why. Jas is a geologist, so we always thought if we ever moved it would be out west. Plus almost all of our family was in Ohio. But after 4+ years of job searching with dead ends, Jason had a job opportunity of a lifetime pop up in the DC area with doors wide open. It was bittersweet for us as it required us to move away from our loved ones, however we knew that when God calls and we follow – he will PROVIDE! Looking back now, I see that God had my heart as top priority. I had been relying so heavily on Jason & our family in Ohio that I wasn’t allowing God to be my #1, but was placing him 2nd or even sometimes 3rd in priority. I gave so many things priority over God over the past many years ranging from my husband/family, career and financial security.
So, we made the move to Frederick. We didn’t know a soul. So of course I clung even closer to the one person I did know – my husband. Through this move I continued to let Jason be my “#1 Rock”, my career #2 and God my #3. So what happened next? God already took us away from family, and now he allowed Jason’s work to take him away from me for months at a time. Wheew! That really brought me to my knees! So I threw myself into my career, the one thing that was still around that continued to be ranked above God. After realizing that regardless of how hard I worked or how successful I was in my career, I still would be "off in my ranking" until God became my #1. Finally I turned to God giving him the time and attention he was wanting from me and deserved, allowing him to truly become #1 in my life.
People God Brought Into My Life:
- Terri - God placed Terri in my life next, for me to have my first exposure to someone living through a cancer trial, while continuing to glorify God. God allowed me to learn from a distance with Terri. While I didn’t know Terri very well when I first learned of her diagnosis, I have enjoyed learning more about her through her “cruise updates” and then truly being able to help each other as friends as we are currently running the cancer battle together now. She taught us the importance of communicating and sharing updates with others in an honest and genuine way while continuing on with a positive attitude. She has been an awesome support and I truly have cherished our friendship through all this! Terri has helped the laughter continue for us through this trial, provided such insightful points of views while allowing me to be real with her about my thoughts/emotions. So with Terri, I learned through her by watching from a distance initially, but more intimately today! What a blessing!!
- Kat – Now with Kat, God smacked me right in the front line in her battle w/ cancer. We were friends prior to either of our families having cancer, however God was so intentional with how involved he intended for us to be with the Hargest family when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I had the honor of being able to help with her children the day/week of her diagnosis and be there for her family. Kat challenged me, as a sister in Christ, that continued to teach me how God can use you through cancer. She started the trend of writing scripture on her tumor to witness to others. She helped us put into action how to guard our minds and hearts with scripture – wallpapering our homes with it! So helpful and important!! She taught me to instantly give credit to God, when people try to give you the credit for being strong, brave, inspiring, etc. Also, God had sent both families to the same exact orthopedic oncologist at Sinai so we could tag team the office together in our goal to share God with others. And most recently to Kat helped us get in with her Natropath who wasn’t accepting new patients. We even had the privilege of experiencing a miracle of Kat’s with the Dr. Office & Kat . So exciting! What an inspiration she is and an amazing friend!
Job Loss - Also, during the course of Jas’ treatment, my part time job that I’d been working for 2+ years was eliminated. This was bittersweet at the time, as this was one small piece that I still had in my life that was for me. However, it was such a HUGE blessing, as it allowed me to be eligible for unemployment to help us financially, while focusing all of my time on Jason and our family. An answered prayer request after 2 years of praying – God took the decision out of my hands and made it for me! That is itself was such a tenderhearted gesture for me not to have to make the decision come September with the next round of cancer.
September 2011 - Esophageal Cancer - Jason's 2nd Cancer - Pretty much immediately after Jason’s surgery he began to have symptoms of heart burn and food getting caught in the middle of his chest when swallowing. So this is where we circle back to Jason’s dad yet again. He had the same symptoms, and bc they were all too familiar to us, we had them looked into very quickly. Most people wouldn’t think much about those symptoms other than take a handful of tums. Because we had already experienced esophageal cancer and the symptoms through Jas’ dad, we were able to catch it a stage earlier than his dad's.
I cannot say enough about how tenderhearted and loving God is! He helped prepare me in so many ways, so I could be exactly where I needed to be when we heard the scariest news of our lives! I know that if God hadn’t become #1 in my life, I would not have had the strength to be the wife to Jason that I needed to be for him and the mom to our 2.5 year old daughter. Phil 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
And, let me loop back to our question of Why Maryland God? ...when we were called to move here almost 6 years ago. It's so very clear now. Jas has been in a job that he absolutely loves, we are in a state that has 2 of the top 6 treatment centers for esophageal cancer only 1 hour away, as well being 1 hour away from an amazing hospital that specializes in Sarcoma cancers that services the whole Northeast. And, I don't know if I ever would have let God move up to #1 without making the move in all honesty.
Question: Who Does God Say I Am?
Answer: God says I am weak, but through him I am strong! “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:10
Question: Who Do I Say God Is?
Answer:
My view of God have not waivered one bit through this, other than to fall even more in love with him!
1. MY ROCK, My #1 – Psalm 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; He is the only one that will be with me 100% of the time and can fulfill 100% of my needs. No human can do that. With God as my #1, he allows me to love and serve my husband, family and others the way that he calls me to. I’m clinging to the rock! I'm just so thankful that God helped me get my priorities straight finally or I would have experienced complete devastation.
2. TRUTH – Psalm 119:160 “All God’s words are TRUE,” is a bible verse that my 2.5 yr daughter was taught in her bible school program this fall. I always knew that his words were true, but never in my life have I experienced so many of his promises/truths being fulfilled in such a condensed time frame. To have God’s word to rely on as the ONLY truth and to see his truths in action has been MIND BLOWING! We continue to be blown away daily by how God is ful-filling his promises to us! It has been such an AWESOME thing to experience it!
3. LOVE & PROVIDER - Our family, friends & people we’ve never met before in our lives have loved on us in a way that you could never even imagine was possible! We are so thankful and in absolute awe, as we know that God is loving us through those here on earth! It just brings us to tears as we think about the outpouring of love we have experienced through our 2 cancer trials.
- Help with watching our daughter with so many appointments
- Financial support (checks and gift cards being sent – some even for the same amount of the bill that comes in the mail that day)
- Gifts (varying with such creativity and an answer to such specific prayer requests that only God knew about )
- Encouragement: emails, texts, blog posts, cards with encouraging scriptures
- PRAYER!
- We have been blessed in so many ways, that each chemo day (and we've been through 3 of 6) Jas has spent the majority of his time writing thank you cards. That's at least 6 hours each treatment! Talk about keeping u positive! God is so good!
- Vacation - God also perfectly timed for us to be on vacation both times of diagnosis, the week before Jason’s treatments began. These were planned well before we ever even knew of Jason having either cancer. Our jaws are dropping daily as God answers our prayers in ways we never even imagined through softening the hearts of those around us. We could talk for a full day about all the ways we have been blessed!
- God loves us so very much and we’ve been able to gain an even better understanding of just how much by his incredibly personalized approach to preparing us for this trial of esophageal cancer.
5. PEACE – Phil 4:7 – And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Jas and I have been blanketed with peace during the scariest time of our lives! Only God, can provide peace in a time like this. Honestly, I never thought in a million years that anyone could say that they are at peace in a time like this, but God has blessed us tremendously in this area!
6. JOY – Only God/The Holy Spirit can provides us with joy during a time like this. We have been able to experience pure joy during this trial as we learn of others being drawn to Christ through us, allowing God to use us through this!
God is the PERFECT PLANNER and this trial today is all part of HIS perfect plan!
SUMMARY VERSE - Romans 8:28 - And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
As we ended our time with the ladies, the 3 of us read the excerpt from A Bend in the Road by David Jeremiah.
My child, I have a message for you today, let Me whisper it in your ear, that it may coat with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short--only five words--but let them sink into your inmost soul, use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head.
THIS THING IS FROM ME
THIS THING IS FROM ME
Thanks for taking the time to read through my testimony, and I pray that God softens your heart in some way through this. And please feel free to share our blog with others to continue to spread the Word and share in our prayer requests!
With Much Love In His Healing Name,
Meg
