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| Back home with daddy |
One thing we still need your help with is constant prayer for clarity on these final steps of proposed medical treatment that is being recommended. So in the last blog post, I discussed how our next big decision was whether we were going to go through "mop-up" chemo, knowing there was persistent cancer present in the esophagus and lymph nodes that was removed. The big challenge we are facing in this decision is that we will not know whether or not there is still any cancer in my body before moving forward with chemo (as the next round of scans will not take place until May at the earliest). There are no stats to support whether or not the chemo will work if there is any cancer still remaining. On the flip side, if we proceed with chemo...and we all know what it does to you...nasty stuff without us ever knowing if it was worth it. With my immune system already down, that's another whack to really set me back with no proven success.
So that decision still remains in front of us, as our oncologist has given us a few more weeks to make a decision. When the oncologist saw me, she said I wasn't ready for chemo at that time based on my appearance. It was good to hear her say that, but also a little deflating, as I felt in my mind I had been doing pretty well. As she pointed out, she hadn't seen me over the past 6 weeks, so to her I still appeared a bit gaunt, pale and needing some more weight back on. So in the end we'll go back for a follow-up appointment on Thursday, March 15 to let them know our decision.
We would also like to ask for your prayers for the weight of everything that we are going through to remain lifted off our shoulders and placed on God's. He has carried this weight (just like Jesus carried the cross) for us up to this point and we know he will continue to do so if we allow Him to. Honestly, this past week has been one of the heaviest/hardest over the last year. I know that may seem odd to many, however we've had quite a bit of sad news these past couple weeks in regards to our "cancer compadres" that had us a bit rattled going into the meeting with our surgeon and oncologist. Then as we headed into our appointment, we felt we'd come to a decision about not doing the mop-up chemo. However after talking through things with our Doctors, and with the recent learnings of our friends progression/recurrence, we have decided to think through it for another 3 weeks and in order to draw even closer to God to ask for his continued guidance on what He wants us to do.
One thing that our oncologist shared with us is that if the cancer were to return, then they would no longer consider my cancer as curable, but would then move to containment. As at this point, I still have a chance of being declared cured of cancer. So they really wanted us to think through our decision so we would have no regrets in the future. That had smacked us (esp. Megs) right back into reality, as we fully always understand the potential outcome here, but have truly felt God is working something much bigger in me. But I am confident no matter what we decide to do or how this turns out, His plan is much more glorious and greater than anyone can imagine. At the end of the day, we know that God is the ultimate Healer. I have said from the beginning that I believe He can heal by miracle and/or medicine and that regardless of what the medical community says, we can always put our hope in Him to heal and if is His will, I will be healed. Ultimately, we desire to be obedient to God and take whatever steps He wants us to. We are praying that He continues to reveal His will to us as clearly as He has through all of our other decisions this past year!
For now, each day is a push to get my self stronger and healthier than the last. The biggest thing has that been a challenge is to get in the desired amount of calories in my body, as I continue to strive to eat healthy and get off of my feeding tube. Oh yeah, I still have a chain, just no ball, but I only have to hook it up at night to pump in some extra calories. So it hasn't been too restrictive allowing me to be as active as I want to be during the day. When we head back to our next Dr's appointment in 3 weeks, they will either leave the feeding tube in for awhile if I do choose to do chemo or they will take it out if I opt out of chemo and my weight has continued to show progress.
One minor problem that has come up over the last few days is I am having trouble swallowing food again. After speaking with the Dr's office, it sounds like it might be a more common occurrence than not. I guess what happens is the junction where the esophagus and stomach connect, the scar tissue as it heals is very stiff and won't flex like the rest of the new tube. So over the last week it's become progressively worse and now even soups aren't sliding down like they used to and I'm "spittying up" (as Taylor calls it) daily if not at each meal as I try to swallow. To combat this, they will go in next Wednesday, February 29th and dilate or stretch that junction to allow for more normal passage of food as it continues to heal. This will be an outpatient procedure at the U of M, however I will need to be put under yet again for it. Over time, the scar tissue will become more flexible and like normal tissue, though stretching may have to occur multiple times before it happens naturally. Again, it's frustrating, because I felt like I was eating so well last week and now I have regressed, but we pray and ask for ya'lls prayers that this is all it is and that there are not bigger issues here.
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| Picnic with mommy - fun times |
As I try and stay busy both mentally and physically, I continue my daily walk, limiting myself to 30 minutes so I don't burn too many calories. Also, Megs and I have set to completing one task daily around the house to feel like we have accomplished something. It's been nice to be able to be outside these last few days (in the 60s for those who aren't in MD), and Megan was a peach yesterday and washed both cars for us. Oh, Taylor helped as well, or at least till she was soaked, bored with helping and then wanted to ride her bike and play with the neighborhood kids.
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| Making homemade heart pretzels for Valentine's Day |
Also, here's a belated Valentine's video for you all from Taylor. You'll have to go to wilestrials.blogspot.com to view the video, as it won't play from the pushed email.
Oh can't forget, Megs and I celebrated our 10 yr Anniversary in February. While we never would have expected to be where we are on our tin/aluminum anniversary (and no ladies she isn't getting a new diamond either), we recognize that going through this together will strengthen our marriage by allowing our bond to grow even stronger as we experience what God has in store for us.
Let's see, what else...oh here's a big positive that came out of last Friday's appointment. I was released to drive. What a sense of freedom again! With the narcotics I was taking for pain, they wouldn't let me drive. It was a struggle to have to be chauffeured around for the month...let's just say I am not the easiest passenger to be toting around. Now I am completely off the narcotics and I am trying to wean myself off ibuprofen, which will still take a bit, though I notice the pain and irritation decreasing weekly. They also removed my staples for the abdomen incision and stitches from the two chest tubes, which has really helped with the irritation that I have in my chest and abs. So as things continue to heal on the inside, I feel more flexibility coming back, which has in-turn helped me be able to push myself and get back to the new normal.
So as of now, we continue to pour ourselves into the Word and seek clarity on the next steps with chemo and move forward seeking God's guidance in all we do.
Thank you for your prayers and I will make sure it doesn't take 4 weeks again to get a post out there.
Trust in Him
God Bless
Jason
